i meet your eyes in the place
where the sky meets the sea,
where the sound barrier breaks
and atmoshpere becomes space.
i see their glint like a flash of lightning,
your voice, like thunder, is all i hear.
the world blurs around you like watercolors,
and as you become clearer i hope again
of one step closer than before,
of a longer conversation,
of a deeper gaze from brighter eyes.
i hope and hope till i forget what hope is,
and wake staring at a blank ceiling
that i can no longer find your face in
and i’ve lost touch with why i wanted you at all.
then i see you coming from a distance,
your face masked by the dark
but i know you by your steps
and the way you wear your jacket.
your hood is pulled over your head
to block out the oncoming cold
of an autumn that’s not quite here,
and you look at me and smile
and my descent begins again.
i lose myself in the silent way
your body moves through space
and waves crash through my brain
every time our gazes meet.
a child, i wave then look away,
pretending that i can’t see
the wash of green in your hazel eyes
even in the darkest night
when you are miles away.
i pretend there’s nothing there,
i pretend you’re just another face
passing through the eternal crowd
i pretend you didn’t reach your arms out
when we met again after all that time,
after i had spent from spring to autumn
hoping you would hug me the way you did
every second i was awake.
i pretend it didn’t culminate,
i pretend it didn’t happen,
because you’re still distant
even though you’re close enough to touch.
i turn and walk away
as i watch you pull your hood down
and see that your hair is the same,
just the way i always liked it,
but i don’t wait to see
who your words are directed at
or if you look back too.
so i streak through the dark,
the path lit by a single yellowing light,
and i try to promise myself
i won’t turn back.
but then i stop and wait awhile
till you pass by again,
and i know that the only way
i’ll stop walking this path
is if it goes up in flames.